As your pastor at Resurrection, I spend a good deal of time working with couples preparing for marriage. It is a great work, and one I really enjoy. Helping a couple prepare to celebrate such a significant moment, and even more, to enter into a lifelong covenant that will be life-changing for both, is truly a sacred task!

In my conversations with parishioners, I've become aware that lots of people have many questions about marriage in the Church. In the interest of providing accurate and necessary information about this sacrament, I pass on to you my responses to the questions I hear most often:

1. Who can be married at Resurrection?

Both spouses must be at least 18 years old, and at least one must be a Catholic and a member of our parish. Both must be free to marry, and must demonstrate sufficient maturity to enter this lifelong communion of life and love. They must be ready and willing to enter a preparation period of about six months.

2. May people be married in parishes other than their own?

With special permission from their home parish and the consent of the pastor in the parish where the marriage is to take place, a couple may be married in another parish, even though neither is a currently a member. Most pastors, including myself, generally discourage this practice, believing that the couple's own faith community is the most appropriate setting for receiving the Sacrament of Matrimony. However, sometimes special circumstances override this general rule. This is especially true in the world of young adults, many of whom have grown up in Resurrection and are now in transition to other areas or cities; but want to come back to the place of their religious roots to celebrate this sacrament.

Sometimes I also write letters of permission for Resurrection parishioners to be married in other parishes if they have a good reason for doing so.

3. May a Catholic marry someone of another faith in the Catholic Church?

Yes! In the ideal world, both parties would share a common faith and practice that faith together. Indeed, we encourage Catholics to seek someone of their own faith as a marriage partner whenever possible. We also know that many times people of different faiths choose one another in marriage. When the parties are of different faiths, part of the marriage preparation time is spent in discussion about how each will live his/her faith within the context of marriage, and in finding a way to pray together that will sustain and nourish both. Sometimes the non-Catholic party expresses interest in joining the Church, and we welcome them with open arms. However, it is not necessary that he/she convert to Catholicism to be married in the Church.

4. What if one of the parties has been married before?

When, and under what circumstances, a previously married person may be permitted to marry in the Catholic Church, is not a question that is simple to answer. Most priests, like myself, want to meet with the couple personally, to understand the circumstances of the previous marriage, and to explain and apply Church law fairly and with compassion. If there is a way for the couple to be allowed to marry in the Church, the priest or parish minister will help them find it.

Sometimes, I hear of a couple who, expecting a "no" answer, will not even contact their parish. I hope that no one will give up on marrying through the Church without first having sought out the correct information.

5. What all happens during the six month preparation period?

During this time, the couple will be asked to participate in a marriage preparation program sponsored by the Archdiocesan Family Life Office. These programs come in two forms: A weekend retreat entitled "Engaged Encounter", and a five-night workshop called "Pre-Cana". The priest will help them choose the program most appropriate for them and their particular needs.

The couple will also have several sessions with the priest himself, or his designate. These sessions are not only to gather the necessary documents and to plan the wedding ceremony, but to help them be as prepared as possible for the lifelong covenant they are about to enter.

6. Is all this preparation necessary, even if we're just planning a small wedding?

I hear this question often, and my response is always the same - no wedding is a small wedding! When two people promise to love and honor each other for the rest of their lives, it is anything but small, as far as they are concerned! The Church's role is help you to be as prepared as possible to make this commitment, and to celebrate it in a dignified and holy way. Studies have shown beyond a doubt that good preparation increases the success rate of marriage, both in terms of staying together "until death do we part", and in the sense of satisfaction that both parties experience as they live out their lives together. In another article in this issue, I offer some suggestions for celebrating your wedding in a simple but sacred way.

7. Why six months? What if we don't have that much time?

Six months may seem like a long time for some; most couples find that it flies by much quicker than they had anticipated! Also, when a couple considers that they are preparing for a lifetime commitment, half a year of preparation actually seems very short. Occasionally, considerations are made for couples in special circumstances, such as military commitments. However, even here, some pre-marriage preparation is still required, in keeping with the couple's availability and need.

8. Is it necessary to receive Confirmation before marriage in the Church?

The Church's law, Canon 1065, reads: "If they can do so without serious inconvenience, Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of Confirmation are to receive it before being admitted to marriage." I greatly encourage all Catholics to receive Confirmation. This sacrament is not to be seen primarily as a prerequisite for marriage in the Church, as some have come to believe; but as a sacrament that enriches the person confirmed with the gift of the Holy Spirit, and strengthens him/her to live as a witness to Christ. Receiving Confirmation before marriage opens the couple to even richer participation in God's grace, and helps them as a couple to live as witnesses to Christ's presence in their lives. However, if it is not possible to prepare properly for Confirmation before marriage, I will encourage the person to begin preparing as soon as possible, even if the sacrament is not received until after he/she is married.

9. We are already married, but not in the Church. What is necessary for us to have our marriage "blessed" in Church?

Most priests, including myself, do not follow a "one size fits all" approach to preparation for marriage in the Church. Our responsibility is to see that those marrying have a good understanding of the sacrament, and are well equipped to live out their commitment. Only an initial interview with the couple will help the priest determine what preparatory steps will be most appropriate.

10. What does it cost to marry through the Church?

There is a $40 registration fee per couple for the Pre-Cana Conference. If the couple should choose the Weekend Engaged Encounter, the cost including meals and lodging is $185. Also, it is customary to give a contribution to your parish at the time of the wedding. Suggested donation is $50-$100, proportionate to the size of the wedding. One of our parish musicians is usually hired to play for your service for a negoitable fee. The only other essential fee will be for the marriage license, available for the current rate from the Bexar County Courthouse. Whatever a couple may choose to spend beyond these amounts, on things such as clothes, flowers, hall, cake, music, food, etc., are up to you and those who are helping in the planning.

If a couple marries outside of their home parish, they may expect to pay a fee for the use of the church facility as well.

11. Is Resurrection's hall rented for wedding receptions?

We do not rent our large hall for wedding receptions, because of its heavy use for so many parish activities on weekends.

In Summary -
The choice to marry is deeply personal and individual. No short set of answers will cover all the questions that may arise. Your parish staff encourages you to call the parish office for any information not covered here, and asks your help in helping pass on good and accurate information to those who wish to receive it.